WHERE MY TOYS AT? #2: SPACEBALLS

If there is one line of toys that I am disappointed never happened it's got to be SPACEBALLS: THE ACTION FIGURES!  I mean c'mon... they were in the actual movie... and nothing! We got nothing!

Then during the late 90s/early 00s craze of toy companies picking up licenses for all sorts of 80s films: Beetlejuice, Gremlins, Ghostbusters, Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday the 13th, Bob & Doug McKenzie, etc., etc. etc.  I thought for sure one of those franchises would have to be SPACEBALLS.  And still we got bupkis. 

I mean come on... couldn't they have at least been an FAO SHWARZ exclusive? See what I did there?

Shit! I hate it when my SCHWARTZ gets twisted!

And then with the announcement of an animated SPACEBALLS series... my hopes were once again to be risen... only to be dashed when I actually saw an episode of the show. 



Dear God... it was awful.

 I guess little plastic versions of Barf, Dark Helmet, Princess Vespa, Lone Star and Yogurt were just never meant to be.

That is, of course, unless they finally get around to making SPACEBALLS 3: THE SEARCH FOR SPACEBALLS 2.   Rick Moranis would probably come out of retirement for that, right?

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I just can't believe you believe those urban legends, but I have high hopes that someone will point you toward Snopes and debunk that crazy junk you're spewing constantly!

Welcome to PART 2 of my track-by-track review of "Weird Al" Yankovic's 13th studio album ALPOCALYPSE!

Hellz Yeah!

7. PARTY IN THE CIA (Parody of Miley Cyrus' "Party in the USA")  Ah-Ha! It's the new theme song for the USA network tv series COVERT AFFAIRS.  Okay, maybe not, I was probably just looking for an excuse to post a picture of a sexy, pouty lipped CIA operative.  

CIA is like the field report of a "wild & crazy" covert agent: Burn that microfilm buddy, will you, I'd tell you why but then I'd have to kill you! You need a quickie confession? Well, start a waterboarding session!  SONG GRADE: B-

8. RINGTONE - Yet another track from the "Internet Leaks".  This "style parody" is a homage to one of the greatest, most innovative rock bands ever - QUEEN!  This epic tune, done in the grandiose style of "Bohemian Rhapsody" is a mini  rock opera about an embarassing ringtone.  Cuz, hey, who wants to waste $1.99?  SONG GRADE: B

9. ANOTHER TATTOO (Parody of "Nothin' On You" by B.o.B and Bruno Mars) This is the part of the review where I start to feel really, really OLD.  As I am completely UNFAMILIAR with the original song.  However I do know that Bruno Mars is the Douchebag Songsmith Supreme. Unfortunately this song is not about a diminutive actor hoping to land a role in the upcoming big screen adaptation of FANTASY ISLAND.  Fantasy Island? See, I told you that I was old.  The song is actually done from the POV of an ink covered individual who is running out of space on his body to etch anything else, and he does not regret any of the silly, misspelled tattoos (some of which he got on a bet) that he already has including: Clay Aiken, a side of bacon and a clarinet playing Boba Fett. SONG GRADE: B-

10. IF THAT ISN'T LOVE Al has a long history of demented love songs: One More Minute, Melanie, You Don't Love Me Anymore, Good Old Days, and Good Enough For Now to name a few.  If That Isn't Love is another entry into that category.  A style parody of Hanson, featuring Hanson's Taylor Hanson on piano.  The central character here has some strange ideas about the meaning of love. "Even though you made me sit through MAMA MIA, I still adore you.  I totally support every idiotic thing you do, and I almost never pretend your someone else when I'm making out with you". I don't know if I should laugh or cry because I know so many guys who would NOT get that this song is not meant to be some sort of dating advice column set to music.  SONG GRADE: B

11. WHATEVER YOU LIKE (Parody of "Whatever You Like" by T.I.) Yet another time where I feel like my grandpa yelling at the radio, because I'd never heard the original before the release of Al's take on the song.   Personally, I usually like it MORE when Al parodies songs that I like or even love. Not that I don't find any joy in his versions of songs I've never heard or despise.  This was the first of the "Internet Leaks" tracks to be released, according to Al it went from concept to downloadable content in the space of about 2 weeks. That is fantastic use of the avaialble technology IMHO.  "Whatever" parodies the hip hop staple of a guy promising his gal whatever she wants... in these difficult financial times.   "Yeah you like Top Ramen? Need Top Ramen? I've got a cupboard full of 'em.  I'll keep 'em coming". It's like if Mtv's CRIBS did a follow up on some of these rap guys who blow the proceeds from their first album on gold plated everything.  SONG GRADE: B

12. STOP FORWARDING THAT CRAP TO ME This is probably my favorite track on ALPOCALYPSE (note: the title of this blog entry is taken from the lyrics), not only because it is a style parody of a Jim Steinman scribed Meat Loaf tune, but because it is also so damn spot on. "You pass around a link to some dumb thing on youtube everyone else saw three years ago... please stop forwarding that crap to me."  SONG GRADE: A+ 

I'm sure to a few of you that some of my criticisms may seem harsh, especially after claiming that I love Weird Al.  I do love Al and I suppose my disapointment, in part at least, is thanks to the rose colored glasses of nostalgia.  He's been a constant influence to me, a genius who has outlasted many of the acts he's parodied so well for over nearly 3 decades.  Coolio anyone? 

It must be increasingly difficult to find worthy parody fodder.  A popular song doesn't have the life it used to.  These days "15 minutes of fame" isn't much of an exaggeration.  That's why I had such high hopes when Al started toying with digital distribution.  Wow! Instant gratification much?

I also loathe when other comedians seem to look down on what Al does as some "lower form" of comedy.  Like their tired material about growing up fill in the ethnicity was so hard is such advanced, highbrow comedy.  I'm looking at you George Lopez!  There aren't many comedy albums that have moved as many units as Al's records.  And there certainly aren't as many with as high of a replay value.  Used CD shops everywhere are using Dane Cook's 2005 Retaliation album for drink coasters, book markers, and skeet shooting targets.
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I'LL BE A TROLL OR EVIL QUEEN, I'LL BE A HUMAN JELLYBEAN, CUZ EVERYDAY IS HALLOWEEN...

I have been a "WEIRD AL" YANKOVIC fan since the third grade. Shortly after he released his second album "WEIRD AL" YANKOVIC in 3-D featuring what is probably the BIGGEST song parody of all time "Eat it". 

One of the BIGGEST regrets of my life happened back in 1984 when Al played our local state fair.   Damn straight I attended that show.  However earlier that day while Mr. Yankovic decided to take a friendly stroll around the fairgrounds, I turned into a chicken, instead of approachim him like many others were, I tried to fidn the best hiding spot.  Why?  Well... because I was wearing a Michael Jackson shirt.  And y'know since Al had recorded "Eat It" I figured he must really hate that guy.  Hey! Cut me a break. This is how a 9 year old's brain works! At least that's how my brain worked at that age. *sigh*

I have seen Al perform LIVE a few more times since that August 1984 show.  May 1994, September 2007 and August 2008.  Fantastic shows all.  One thing that struck me funny at one of the more recent shows was the realization of  the wide age spectrum of AL-coholics.  Kids and adults from the ages of 8 to 88.  I saw a 50-something couple dressed up in full AMISH gear. 

Tuesday, June 21st 2011, sees the release of Al's 13th studio album: ALPOCALYPSE.  The four horsemen of the ALPOCALYPSE must be: Parody, Pop Culture, Platinum (as in records -- he's earned 6 of 'em!), and of course -- Polka. 

Much like his 2007 release "Straight Outta Lynwood",  ALPOCALYPSE includes a DVD on the flip side featuring videos for (most of) the album's tunes.

Unlike "Lynwood", the new CD features 5 songs that were previously released in late 2008 and the Summer of 2009 while Al tested out the benefits of digital distribution. 

ALPOCALYPSE is currently available for sneak preview on the music website: mog.com.  Of which I currently have a 14 day trial, so I thought I'd do an early review of each of the albums tracks. 

1. PERFORM THIS WAY (Parody of Lady Gaga's "Born This Way")  Even the most casual Al fan is probably aware of this song, due to the recent press coverage.  I really hope that Gaga's telling the truth on this one, and that her "people" were the reason for all the confusion.  What can I say? I've kinda got a crush.




Heh. I kind of have a thing for gals with intriguing noses.

 Many people seem to think Gaga's "Born" is about BEING GAY.  These people are WRONG. Plain and simple.  "Born this Way" is about feeling like an outcast, and simply just knowing that you're weird.   Something I think we can all identify with... especially if you're a fan of this blog.  Al's parody is a tribute to Gaga's bizarre ways, from weirdo to another.  I can't wait to see the video he's got planned.  SONG GRADE: A


2. CNR This is what most Al fans refer to as one of his "style parodies", meaning that while it's not a direct parody of a single song, it's done in the style of a certain artist.  "CNR" is an "Internet Leaks" era White Stripes inspired anthem about the many legends of... Charles Nelson Riley?!  "He ate his own weight in coal, and excreted diamonds every day"!  It sounds like CNR could give Chuck Norris a run for his money.  SONG GRADE: B-

3. TMZ (Parody of Taylor Swift's "You Belong with Me") A country tinged ode to those who are famous for absolutely no reason: Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, Snookie, Jay Leno, etc.  Of course it takes quite a few jabs at the "news source" known as TMZ.   My favorite part comes during the breakdown and we get to hear a bunch of sound bytes from infotainment-esque announcers, particularly when one exclaims: "Everything celebrities do is FASCINATING!"  SONG GRADE: A-

4. SKIPPER DAN Another track released back in 2009.  The tale of a starry-eyed sucker with a fine arts degree who is forced to work at a theme park while dreaming bigger, much, much BIGGER.  I'll admit this is not one of my favorite Weird Al songs.  SONG GRADE: C

5. POLKA FACE  This is one of Al's infamous accordian infused,  polka-ized mashups of several current-ish songs, with an emphasis on Lady Gaga's "Poker Face".




Did someone say MORE Gaga?

 This seems like a track that could have benefited from digital distribution as most of the songs included in the medley are at least TWO years old if not older.  Poker Face (2008), Womanizer (2008), I Kissed A Girl (2008), Fireflies (2009), Tik Tok (2009) and several others.

In the past Al's polka medleys have dealt with not-so-new material.  His first polka - 1984's POLKA'S ON 45 featured many classic songs from the Beatles to Hendrix, The Who, The Doors and the Rolling Stones, speaking of which...  1989's HOT ROCKS POLKA was composed entirely of songs my Mick Jagger and the boys.  And 1993's BOHEMIAN POLKA was of course, a polka-fied version of QUEEN'S "Bohemian Rhapsody".

However for the most part these medleys usually seem a little more recent.  Many of the artists included in POLKA FACE have already released NEW albums since the songs Al revamped here.  But I am glad he went for the oh, so obvious POLKA FACE title.  Something I wished for in a facebook status, back in 2009.   SONG GRADE: B

6. CRAIGSLIST This Doors style paordy is another of 2009's "Internet Leaks".  It kind of covers the same territory as Al's 2003 Backstreet Boys parody "eBay".  A song about all the obscure, inane items and services people offer through various online flea markets.  However we do get keyboard work from original Doors' member Ray Manzarek.  SONG GRADE: B-

TO BE CONTINUED IN PART 2.
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LOCK THE GATES!

Growing up I was quite the COMEDY NERD.  Back in the 80s there was standup comedy all over tv: Mtv, VH1, A&E, Nick at Night, Lifetime, Carson, Letterman and if you were fortunate enough to have premium cable channels like Showtime or HBO... jackpot!  For the record I never thought Gallagher was funny.  Even when I was a kid.  I believe the direct quote from a 6 or 7 year old Travis was: "He smashes stuff? That's it?"

B-but... Travis, you didn't mention COMEDY CENTRAL in the above text!  Well, that's because my local cable provider didn't begin carrying COMEDY CENTRAL until about 1992. 

One of the slew of comedians I discovered post-CC is a guy named Marc Maron.  Maron is a sarcastic, witty and insightful comic and he quickly became one of my favorites.  Aside from his brief appearance in Cameron Crowe's Almost Famous (2000) as the "angry promoter"; I didn't seem to hear much from the guy during this new millenium. 

However apparently he's appeared on CONAN O'BRIEN'S various talk shows over 40 times and I'm sure I must have caught a couple of those along the way.  Finally back in 2010, via a message board that I frequent, I learned MARC MARON was the host of a rather popular podcast!

WTF or (What the Fuck if you must) is posted twice a week.  And it is often incredible.  Not just because of the content, but the fact that he landed a podcast titled WTF before someone beat him to it. Or maybe he didn't?  Perhaps there are other podcasts with the WTF title? I'll go look.  No, nah... I won't bother with that right now.  Just go to Marc's website.

Each episode kicks off with a sound clip of Marc's Almost Famous character shouting the line "LOCK THE GATES!" over, what I think is a pretty catchy theme song.  Every MONDAY and THURSDAY sees the arrival of a new WTF episode featuring Marc interviewing fellow comedians, or at least well known funny people: Dave Foley, Judd Apatow, Dane Cook, Carlos Mencia, Robin Williams and many more! 

I started off just listening to episodes with guests who I was also a fan of, but soon found myself listening to EVERYTHING.  Why? Marc asks great questions.  Often questions listeners probably would ask these people themselves, if they could.  And sometimes even if it's a person you think that you cannot stand, or are perhaps unfamiliar with, you'd be surprised to learn their back story, and maybe at least gain a minor appreciation for what they do. And sometimes not.

My attention was first thrust upon WTF Podcast  #75 aka the Carlos Mencia episode.  In which Marc confronted Ned "Carlos" Holness about his practices of joke stealing, bumping other comedians at clubs and just general douchebaggery.  As someone who has never been a fan of the mindlessness of Mencia, it was a pleasure to hear him practically break down and beg for understanding while at the same time admitting that he is an asshole.
And oh yes the Dane Cook episode in which Mr. SU-FI discusses the theft of his "essence" is quite something too.  As is the recent update to one of the stories heard in Marc's WTF interview with comedian Steve Byrne (WTF #175).

Not every WTF episode is an examination in confrontation. 

Some episodes end with the guest walking out early.  Okay, ONE episode (#145) with Gallagher ends that way.  It's worth a listen to hear the Sledge-O-Matic king rant about what he believes is his rightful place in the world of comedy and the conspiracy theories as to why he hasn't been allowed to succeed where other "less talented" people have.  While also suggesting that much of his current material, which has come under fire for being racist and homophobic amongst other things, is perfectly fine because they're just "street jokes" that are not entirely of his creation.

Many episodes start with Marc admitting that he thinks his interview subject doesn't like him or at the very least that there is conflict of some kind between them. Only to discover it was all in his head.  Maybe I find such relief in these episodes because I often suffer from the "Oh, that guy hates me" syndrome. 

Other WTF episodes of note include:
#163 Conan O'Brien - At last some great insight from COCO about how he endured the NBC horse shit. And how he's happy to to have a show of his own, opposed to one that he inherited. 
#146 Dave Foley - The Kids in the Hall member, who IMHO made the sexiest woman, reflects on the birth of comedy troupe.  And discusses how a crazy ex-wife has resulted in dire financial troubles which keep him from returning to his home country of Canada. 

Episodes featuring some of my "old school" favorites Bobcat Goldthwait (#167),  Laura Kightlinger (#166), Tom Rhodes (#158) are also a treat.  If that doesn't float your boat there are also interviews with more current comedians such as Patton Oswalt (#144), Brian Posehn (#181), Adam Carolla (#159) and Paul F. Tompkins (#150). 

Poehler? I barely know 'er!



The most recent episode featuring Amy Poehler of  "Parks and Recreation" is pretty damn fantastic.  In roughly 86 minutes we cover a lot of territory.  The birth of Upright Citizens brigade (and all it's offshoots), SNL, being a female in the comedy biz, SNL, Lorne Michaels, kids, improv comedy, working with Marc in the 90s and her fears of being compared to Steve Carrell.  While most episodes clock in at about 60-70 minutes, this one, as I noted above runs a tad longer.


I'd love to hear Maron land some of my favorite funny folks: Weird Al, Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, Steve Carrell, Dan Aykroyd, Harold Ramis, Bill Murray, Michael Keaton, Neil Patrick Harris, Nathan Fillion, Felicia Day, Diablo Cody, Edgar Wright... and I'm sure Marc would like to land interviews with many of these people as well.  I'd also love to hear him interview actor Vincent D'Onofrio, while not really being known as a comedian or even comedic actor, Marc does have a pretty amusing story involving the Law & Order: Criminal Intent actor.

There was a time when I got jealous hearing/reading about all of these podcasts people were listening to and I couldn't ( because didn't have the proper internet connection, computer, etc).  Then one day I had access to these glorious things called podcasts.  For the most part I was disappointed and realized that I had not been missing out on a whole lot. 

WTF definitely stands out amongst all the crap infesting the world wide web.  

So... What the fuckernauts, What the fuckericans, What the fuckanucks... give the show a listen.  It's available on iTunes and via other various apps.  Apps? Boy, I wish I could me some of those apps, they sound pretty F'n sweet.  Or you can listen to it via the Zune marketplace like I do.

Yeah, I've got a ZUNE! Do you got a problem with that?

I didn't think so.

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A JOURNEY BACK... to 2005!

Let me take you on a strange journey... to 2005!  While digging through a folder of my various writings I stumbled across a lot of things that I think I will be posting on this here blog.  Up first are a couple of poems I composed with the aid of a magnetic poetry kit.   I decided that they would be better if I prettied them up with some art.  Ooooooh... creative!

Trippy right?

Walt Whitman eat your heart out!